Diary of a Zambian girl

Diary of a Zambian girl stories about my life

18/08/2026

my darlings kindly help me find a 1bedroom house or bedsitter my budget is 1800-2500 areas libala ,chilenji, kabwata

07/02/2026

I wasn’t ready for half the things I been through. None of it was planned, none of it was easy, and a lot of it caught me off guard. But I still pushed through. I still showed up, handled what I had to handle, and kept going even on the days I felt weak.

That’s when it finally clicked for me. I might not have been ready for it, but I was built for it. Every obstacle I survived proved that. Everything I made it through showed me I’m stronger than I ever gave myself credit for.

04/02/2026

from inbox

if I don't share this I feel like am about to lose it next minute am okay, next am all emotional and just want to cry and for someone to tell me all is going to work out in the end..I have a son whose one year old and am currently living with my brother and his wife ever since things went bad for me I had no other choice but to move in back with my brother and his wife,if you ask me I hated the fact that I was doing this to my brother knowing how he just deserved a break from me being under his roof long story but I have been under his roof for the longest time till I was told to move out once he got married which I very much understood cause newly weds need space..long story short life happened i found myself back under his roof this time around with a child whose under 2 ..my relationship with the dad went sour and things between us are quiet bad we havent been okay for the longest period of time and mostly his usually out of the country and moves from house to house in short he doesn't have his own home that's another story for another day so I found out mans was cheating on me not just with one person but alot of other ladies finding out certain things and just how I got to find out really bruised me am healing and learning to be myself all over again especially after child birth ofcourse am really greatfull to my brother and his wife for they took me in and has helped me in every possible way the could ...the reason why am writing is because I honestly feel I have over stayed they dont need to tell me I can just feel it .

its feels as though my presence or anything I say my brother is getting irritated, I dont plan on being here for long but just that at the moment I have no where else to go not even friends I can visit just so I could give them time and space ...I know my brother loves me but I also know that his tired ..question is dont I have other relatives I can visit or stay with but for how long till they too get tired

i know at times i do make mistakes and might get a little comfortable but I have gotten to a point where I wish my brother can tell me if there's something his not happy about and I will listen or let me know if at all things have changed I have seen how his really tried to get me back on my feet but things arent just going as expected I feel like I really do try my level best bust there certain things I evn I am failing to understand why I am going through them those that will say pray ,I really do pray more than ever I have learnt to put my trust in God ...but the level at which life has brought me too really has humbled me ,I have nothing to my name nothing to brag about ..I feel very lonely at times that I find myself opening up to wrong people who I shouldn't evn be talking to about anything in the first place people have a certain way and level of the way they treat and respect based on what they can benefit from you ..

I recently found out certain things about how someone I thought would never do me like that went on and said alot of things behind my back to make me look bad lately I try to mind my own business cause it kind of seems like am the bad guy ..what I have just never wanted to be is a burden to anyone I feel very bad that I cant seem to give my brother and his wife a break cause they surely need it ...đŸ€§without offending anyone or coming out like an ungrateful person because I dont know what I would have done without my brother one day when am all okay I pray to God to bless me and never should I forget what he has done for me because they deserve the best and I pray to be of great help to them one day 🙏

30/12/2025

my 2025
last year 2024 I just prayed for God's will and strength cause 2024,I prayed for God to reveal certain things and take away what wasn't supposed to be in my life reverse back to 2024 1st January i remember praying and crying to God to just let him show me and yho I felt it ..relationship wise ,family and work I felt it .I was comfortable with my work for the longest period of time that I endured these other years while there it was work I mean but the work environment and the type of job I told God every night and chance I got that this is not it for me I said to him I didn't belong there..my siblings and I are okay but we haven't really been okay for the longest time I mean most of the drift I caused but they were times i felt like i was better off staying away everytime i tried ..relationships also big flop 2024 I discovered things that have traumatized me upto now I mean I prayed for God to show me why it wasn't making sense anymore so going into 2025 I had my plan and vision of how it would all play out but it's TRUE what they say Gods plan s are not your plans he humbled me and brought me back on my knees that I have learnt to lean on him like never before ,I know I may not be the smartest or have qualifications that will take me places,I know I might not have been the best sister to my siblings, best daughter to my father but in God's eyes there's more to me and he only has the final say over my future 2025 gave me the most precious gift that surpasses material things my heart is full of gratitude cause lord knows how broken and lonely I would have felt ..so am greatfull financially whatever happened this year should never happen again I found my self in alot of debt that I cant even explain..asking money from people that should be asking from me yes and that also took me to a place of losing peace and sleep ,God brought me out of certain situations that when i look back still wonder how ...the shame i have gone through this year ,i have felt like a burden so many times where one would think it's just laziness but no God know my heart and the things i pray for and entering 2026 by his grace my prayer is first of all direction so I dont enter the new year blindly, secondly i pray i receive every supply with my name on ,2025 I had rest and am greatfull cause it would have been worse but he showed me mercy ..Am entering 2026 with his mercy and grace they will not be any carry overs ..Every goodyhing with my name on we shall receive to a better salary income,to better relationships to better friendships, to better opportunities, to better achievements to better health, to everything nice this life has to offer and more is my prayer for my life and whoever reads this 2026 will be great Amen đŸ„‚đŸ„‚đŸ„‚â€đŸ˜‡

19/12/2025

let's talk about comments from some men we encounter that has lowkey contributed to me having a low self esteem till date ..
this guy one time asked me if I have ever traveled outside the country and I said no cause I have never ,he was shocked and low key made fun of me for the fact that I had never been on a plain in my entire life i always kinda felt some type of way around him ever since ...this other guy jokingly told me a joke some language only if u had been to university you would know of and he later said oh sorry you have never been to university so you cant get this joke I felt that it was true but the way he came out made me feel like dude ment something else this is a man I liked still do but ever since he said that to me I feel some type of way around him ... was in a talking stage with this guy cute,tall handsome had money and all came to pick me up in his benz at that time it was the latest one we went to see his friends and we parked at some drinking place ,we were chilling just outside the joint and mans from no where tells me to start his car at this point he knows I cant drive starting a car I would yes but for some reason had no idea what to do and where to touch in his car and so imwea I went round in circles till this guy said something in front of his friends..saying where you from you cant start a car at your age my nephew can drive me to the market imwea his nephew is 10 years old the embarrassment yoh his friends laughed he saw I felt bad and tried to do some damage control but once he dropped me off i avoided that man ...do I have a passport ?yes I do now still never been out of the country for lack of opportunity..have I been to university no but I done short distance courses sponsored by myself if I had a chance to experience uni I would but zero opportunity..did I learn how to drive after that incident yes I don't have a license nor a car yet ...just don't feel comfortable around people that belittle me

10/09/2025

insert 15
Duncan's face had changed ofcourse he was mad pi**ed off,he asked for his watch ..why do you look so mad let me introduce u to my friend mark ,he was the one calling you earlier right let me not keep you I just remembered I left my watch chansa ..he saw it where I had kept it just near my study table and grabbed then left my room I heard him say ok bye sir to mark as he left for the door ,I followed him behind but he avoided me and drove off f**k it I knew it that it was back to square one..decided to deal with him later and focus on mark

is that your man am so sorry hope I haven't put you in any awkward position he asked .No dont worry I lied and said it wasn't what he thought he seemed not to care so we went on a date that night I drunk so much that the only thing I remember is being in my bed at midnight with no clothes on first thing I did was check myself I was fine down there my phone had 5 missed calls from Duncan ,2 from lutangu and 1 from mark ..I called mark first cause I was curious to find out how I got home ..he didnt pick up phone went to voicemail great woke up found my clothes in the bathroom the ones I was wearing I guess I tried to shower or something my door was locked but couldn't remember where I put my keys great drunk some water and went back to my room I called back the two brothers but to no avail I dosed off I think and woke up at 10 Am was feeling very sick I throw up a couple of times ..lutungu called saying he was trying to find ducan they had an argument so he left without his car but they had found him ,he thought he was with me ....I was glad he was ok I tried calling him once more number was not going through I guess I was blocked again ,I remembered mark he picked up but was sounding very weird hello you evn have the nerves to call me back tell that boyfriend of yours the police are looking for him then he hang up on me yoh I was now confused which boyfriend was he talking about what happened last night..?

09/07/2025

💔 5 Reasons Why Cheating, Male or Female is Immature and Dangerous

Let’s be honest: there’s nothing more heartbreaking than discovering that the person you trusted with your heart has betrayed you. In today’s world where love is already hard enough to find, cheating isn’t just a “mistake.” It’s a choice. A selfish, reckless, and deeply hurtful one.

Whether you’re a man or a woman, cheating is not a flex. It’s not empowerment. It’s not “just vibes.” It’s emotional violence. And here’s why it’s not only immature but dangerously irresponsible:

1. 🚹 You’re risking lives, not just feelings

Cheating exposes you and your innocent partner to multiple sexual partners whose health status you likely don’t know. STIs, STDs, and HIV are real, and they don’t care about your excuses. You’re not just playing with your own life; you’re gambling with someone else’s safety. That’s not love. That’s cruelty.

2. 🧠 You’re not emotionally ready for commitment

If you can’t stay loyal to one person, it’s a clear sign you’re not mentally or emotionally prepared for a relationship. Commitment isn’t about convenience it’s about maturity. If you’re still chasing validation from others, you’re not ready to build something real.

3. 💔 You’re planting seeds of insecurity and trauma

Cheating doesn’t just break trust it breaks people. It creates deep insecurities, anxiety, and emotional trauma that can take years to heal. You may move on, but the person you hurt might carry that pain into every relationship after you. That’s not just immature it’s cruel.

4. đŸ§© You’re confusing chaos for connection

In a culture where “soft life” and “situationships” are trending, it’s easy to confuse chaos for chemistry. But real love isn’t built on lies and late night texts. It’s built on honesty, safety, and respect. If you can’t offer that, don’t pretend you can.

5. đŸ§đŸœâ€â™€ïžYou’re wasting someone’s time and emotional energy

Time is precious. So is emotional labor. If you know you’re not ready to be fa

07/07/2025

from my inbox
venting..
hi I really dont know what to do or feel I feel like my life has just come to a stand still no I feel like am starting over from where I began from scratch..I am scared and I pray I dont fall into and depression cause yoh I feel very sad most times ,I dont have a job and am back at my parents house because I honestly dont have any option I feel bad cause my parents were happy they finally had there space to them selves but they have to accommodate me because I have nothing else to fall back on ,I have two kids looking upto me and here I am back home with my boys cause their dad seems not to care what happens to us or where we end up ..I have put this man in my prayers but now I live it all to God ..my worry right now is being able to provide for my children and help out where I can here with my parents ..Am the one whose supposed to be giving them money and take care of them but am here being a burden mother's here I just had a baby boy his a week old and am going through alot mentally how do I prevent myself from not falling into depression cause some days it gets very overwhelming..

06/07/2025

part 4
I kept the food cause I had already eaten at Mark's, mark got me thinking about him so bad why did I want a break from him again I wanted him back so back eeh that relationship was hella toxic at times also mwea ..I kept my phone off to charge so went I switched it back on it had plenty of missed calls and messages from my friends my brother contacted suspecting I went to them returned and replied to some calls
when i woke up at 16 i was home alone so i decided to call mark and we took a walk within the neighborhood we spoke about alot of things he joked and laughed at what just happened and what would have happened if the mum and dad were the ones to open the door or rather if they discovered I was in the house..he advised me with my drinking and stuff also advised I apologize to my brother actually one of my friends texted him after my brother did ..asking him if I was with him that night he was indeed there for me when everything died off I went to his house again ofcourse during the day to talk about us sorting out our issues is it not to refuse me imwea I pleaded I thought we were ok cause he was being nice since the incidence he told me he was just being there for me on my worst day that unlike me ,he couldn't treat me like I did him when he came to plead for me to take him back he even reminded me how he knelt and cried for me ..I tried everything that day even asked him why he made out with me night I slept at his house and he said it was only because he wanted me not to keep crying that i couldn't stop talking imwea aaii usually i would seduce him but I couldn't cause I was on my periods..he claimed he was talking to somebody and they were getting quiet serious..
so that day I didn't succeed but we eventually got back but later broke up again ...The end

06/07/2025

part 3
he cleaned the mess I made finally it was bright outside his parents must have been ready to go to church by then ..what we were both scared of almost happened his mum almost came in his room but he blocked the door for her not to come in and she even tried to pop through the door ..he stopped her saying he wasnt dressed..mark this is not your house she said mulimutu ninshi why you refusing me to enter that's how I swore even upto now that woman knew or she suspected someone was in her son's room but just ignored..while all that was happening my heart was under my feet what was going to happen if she actually came in because that room had no hiding space I couldn't go under the bed ,his wardrobe had no space for a human being so I just covered myself in the duvet ..
she was leaving instructions for him ,you should even cook lunch since you dont want to go to church she added..they finally left and we remained the two of us I went to use the bath room properly and he prepared breakfast for me I told him now what happened the previous night and what lead me to go to home he kept saying he was shocked that I went to him despite how things were between us but he seemed not to want to talk about that ..he served us breakfast dude prepared my favorite I ate and it was time to go home to meet my brother ..because i didn't come with shoes on he had to give me his sister's shoes who by the way when i asked where she he told me that she hadn't come home for some days now ..
Another problem so I wore her slippers which by the way I never returned am sure she searched every where for them .
He walked me home and i found my brother with his wife sited outside my brother was washing his car ..i just walked past them and went straight to bath and sleep my brothers wife followed to ask me where I slept and how worried they all were, your brother didnt sleep sally you should apologize to him but later now you eat ..she brought me food

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Lusaka

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968172557

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